So this blog has not been about infertility much lately. It's probably because other things in life have taken importance over that, for now at least.

I have about one week to decide on a job. I have so many concerns about opening my own business. Health insurance is a major major concern of mine because fertility treatments are so darn expensive. I had $8000 of tax deductions last year from fertility treatments b/c my old insurance didn't pay for treatment. We FINALLY have an insurance company that will pay, and what happens? I give that job up? I go back to uncertainty and expense? Or I take a job with a settled company and take their good health insurance and move forward with treatment?

Is that short-sighted of me? I can't decide. If you ask me what is more important--career or family? Family will win out every single time. Unfortunately the career is what is going to keep the family afloat. What is the best for the family?

I don't know the answer to that question. It freaks me out to think about starting my own business. If grad school had decent insurance that we could rely on for a little while, then I would feel much much better. I know Warren will have the best benefits in the future because teaching has way better benefits, but the unknown is killing me.

I am not a gambler. I am a planner. I am not a risk-taker, with anything at all. Maybe, deep down, that is why fertility treatments bug me so bad. I can't plan. I don't know when or if we will ever have a child. It sucks.

But....I can plan my career. I can have some control over that. Is it wrong to want that?