One of my favorite skits

Let me say, first and most importantly, that I don't condone treating patients like this. Therapy is helpful and beneficial, when done correctly.

Secondly, let me say that this skit is freaking hilarious! It's one of my favorites of all time!

Something non-pregnancy related for once!:)

The gas pain

Wow! No one told me about gas pain. I mean....wow. Really. I had heard women get constipated but this is ridiculous! I've been super-extraordinarily constipated all day. What's worse--I've really needed to fart--and I just can't. I never knew it could hurt so bad. Now I understand why geri patients always fight the staff when the get constipated--they're just so darn uncomfortable.

Warren and I have nicknamed the baby "fish" from the widget that shows it's week 5 status--it's a little unsettling to look at!

I'm trying to convince W to talk to my tummy so that fish can get to know him and love him like I do. I know he doesn't get to carry it for nine months, but I think it's still sweet for fish to get to know his voice.

He's been very good about rubbing my tummy when it's upset--and it helps so much! He doesn't like when I rub it--because he says I do it too hard and I'm hurting fish.

Fish is making mommy tired. I'm off to bed. Maybe I can convince W to come with me!;)

It's been a rough week, but it's all better now!

It's been a tough week, emotionally. It all started off with the repeat beta on Monday morning. When I arrived at the RE's office, they had a student in the lab. She acted confused and called for the head lab person, who never came, so she drew my blood anyway. I didn't think anything of it, at the time. That afternoon, Priscilla called to tell me that my beta was only 67 and it was supposed to be 120. She did say they had problems with the lab and she wasn't sure what to do with the lab, but it was lower than normal. Needless to say, I cried my eyes out all night on Monday and then again on Tuesday morning.

On Tuesday, I went to therapy (hooray for that) and spent time praying, and I felt much more calm by Tuesday evening. It helped that the nausea returned and I just knew that baby was fine. Same for Wednesday--but I had a ton of nausea that night.

Fast forward to Thursday, or beta draw #3. I was super-anxious by the time I got to the office--b/c I had done enough internet research to know that slow-rising betas typically don't mean good things. I kept clinging to the fact that I wasn't cramping or spotting and I was having a TON of symtpoms--so I really believed baby was fine!

Well--the same student was in the lab....but this time she was much more careful and talked to herself throughout the blood draw--which I thought was weird. However, that afternoon the nurse called me to tell me that my levels were 272--or right where they should be! She said that she really thinks Monday's lab was a lab error, especially in light of the student and the more recent lab! Yeah! I am so excited. I can finally have a little peace about this pregnancy!

I pep-talk baby all the time. I never thought I'd be so excited about nausea, dry heaves, sore nipples, constipation/diarrhea, and frequent urination--but hey--I am.

I wonder when most women notice a difference in clothing..... I wore a pair of my fave blue jeans today, and I had to unbutton them by lunchtime b/c they were killing me! Now--I haven't gained any weight--maybe I am re-proportioning? Weird--I thought it was too early for that!

POAS addict

So, I've been POAS like an addict lately. Since it's the weekend, I couldnt' go in today to have my beta checked. It looks like my line is much much darker, though, so I'm hoping that's a really really good sign. I'll be POAS tomorrow morning again....:). The picture is very nice, huh?

Off to bed now as my tummy is horribly upset. Must sleep. I worked really really hard today, and I didn't get my nap. I will be sleeping late in the morning!:)

It's kicking in

So, for all the worrying I did about betas yesterday (and today really), I have been experiencing a lot of pregnancy symptoms. I have that constant queasiness, and my hips are KILLING me--especially when I went out to dinner and shopping with friends tonight.

No one ever told me how bad your hips will hurt--even at this stage in the game. I know it can't be weight because I've lost 13 lbs recently. I broke down and bought a pregnancy pillow. I know I'm only 4 weeks in and it is a little ridiculous, but my hips can't take it. Heck, I can't take the insomnia much longer.

I did end up telling my bff last night, and I told our other bff today (because she guessed and I didn't want to lie). It's really weird. Sometimes I feel really bloated and pregnant, but other times I'll get wrapped up with work and totally forget about it. I love it when I come to the realization--"Hey, I'm pregnant. Yeah!"

Another strange thing about pregnancy--bowel movements. How is it that you can be totally constipated for hours, then have an episode of diarrhea, then go right back to being constipated--I don't get it.

I'm so excited and full of plans for this child. I hope I'm not getting ahead of myself, but I really want to think it's going to happen for us this time. I know my hubby will be such a good daddy, and I can't wait to make him one. It makes me tear up just to think about it.

In the meantime, I will keep POAS to make sure it's getting darker and darker--and so far, so good.:)

First beta

So I dropped W off at work today and went immediately to the RE's office. It was 7:45 but I waited outside until they opened! Yes, I really did....and without an appointment too.

They were surprised to see me, but they decided to go ahead and check a beta. I anxiously awaited the results all day long. Priscilla (the RN at the RE's office) paged me at 1pm. When I called her back, she said "I just wanted to let you know it's real!"

She told me that we're still very early. I have to go in on Monday to make sure my betas are increasing like they should. Hoping and praying it does.....I want this child so bad.

We decided to go ahead and tell our parents. We thought it would be better to have support if (God forbid) we miscarry or have complications from the pregnancy. They were really excited and making big plans for the little one.

In other news, W and I have always had names picked out that we liked. Temporarily (or forever according to the hubby) we have decided on these:
Girl: Emma Leigh
Boy: Warren Thomas (named after the hubs of course).

Today has been an OK day. I have constant low-level nausea, but I feel fine if I nurse a bottle of Sprite all day long. I'm perfectly ok with all these pregnancy symptoms--I keep telling myself they mean good things for the pregnancy. Stick baby, stick--we want you to come home with us in 8 months.

Oh my goodness, I can't believe it!

So--I've been really down this month--I just knew it wasn't it. I was so wrong. Looking back, I was ignoring a lot of symptoms. When I woke up this weekend, I saw a ton of big blue veins on my breasts, but I kept saying to myself "They aren't real." I had a HUGE episode of nausea yesterday morning and generally just felt awful, but I told myself it was that leftover tuna sandwich I had for breakfast. I haven't been sleeping well. I've been having hip pain. My boobs feel weird. Why did I ignore all of this, you ask? Because I thought I had all this last month too and it ended up being a BFN. I was bound and determined to not get my hopes up.

But my DH knew. He just knew. He kept asking me when I was going to test, and I kept postponing it. For kicks and giggles this afternoon, I decided to go through with it. Here it is. I can't believe it. It's my first ever BFP. It's really light, and the camera has poor quality--but I promise you guys it's there.

Fingers crossed the baby sticks!

The dreaded 2WW

Well here I am....back in the dreaded 2WW. I've had a totally different mindset this time around. Although I do desperately want to have a child, I don't feel like it's going to happen this month. I had my hopes up so high last month and was devastated. Let's face it, there are women who have tried much harder and much longer than I ever have. It's possible it will take us just as long. And...did I really expect to hit it out of the ballpark on the first go around?

I think maybe the perfectionist in me did. So far, there have been very few things that I haven't been able to accomplish with some hard work and elbow grease. This just isn't going to be one of those things--and it drives me crazy.

I haven't given up all hope, but my hope doesn't hang on this month. I still have fantasies about being a mom. I still dream about having a little one at home that we can care for. I know it will change our lives--but in a good way.:)

In the meantime, I have been learning a lot about how much babies cost to have at home so that we can start preparing. I've looked into disability insurance in case I have to go on bedrest. I've researched the cost of injectables so that I can save money if we ever have to go that route. Man, I hope not though because they cost more than my mortgage!!!

I know for a fact that I O'd today. I had a lot of right sided cramping that led to a burning in my lower back. We've tried to catch the eggie...but who knows? I'm not going to test this month until AFTER I miss my period (if that happens). There is no reason to waste a perfectly good HPT.

More later. No obsessing this time around!!