I broke the news

Well, I did it. I broke the news to my mentors at work that I probably will be leaving the university. It was, by far, the hardest thing I have done in awhile. Even though I have settled my mind on opening my own practice and "doing my own thing," this was definitely bittersweet.

I thought I would feel more free. I felt very sad. I even choked up a time or two. I explained to them about the infertility process and how it affects my decision. They said that they understand, and of course want me to stay to work with them, but they want me to be happy. I appreciate that.

I think I will be happy in private practice, but I can't help but worry because it is such a huge change from what I thought my future would hold. I have spent the last four years devoted to my mentors at the university and telling everyone (including myself) that I definitely wanted to stay. How can I just give that up so easily?

Honestly, it hasn't been that easy. I think I have been through all of the stages of bereavement---and they suck! I just pray I am making the right decision.....for myself, for my husband, and for our future family.

In other news--beta hcg was negative today. Big surprise there. I have become the amazing infertile lady. I just don't understand how we got pregnant so quickly the first time only to have it take so long this time around! :( It makes me sad.